she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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