remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
