saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
