so explain again why im purple
no
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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