She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
