every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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