dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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