I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
