Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
