she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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