Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
