I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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