My liver just broke up with me...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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