Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
