Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
