The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
