this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
