I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
