I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
