You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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