saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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