It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
