i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
