The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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