so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
