found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
