Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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