ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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