Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
