u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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