Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
