come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
