I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
