I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
