Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
