I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize