i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
