she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My feet surprised me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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