It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
