I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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