I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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