Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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