We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
