Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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