How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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