no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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