I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
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i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
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We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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