11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
