No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
