went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
