so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
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If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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