real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
