he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
