Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
