I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
