do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
