I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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