I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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