Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize