There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
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I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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