in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
