i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
