You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
