Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I seem to have left my pride at pride
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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