I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
