Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
