Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
