Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
