i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Shame - the story of my life.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
