Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Shame - the story of my life.
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