Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize